TAKE OFF YOUR VEIL
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RAMBLINGS
desperate for: an Egg McMuffin, but I would never go to McDonalds because
they’re evil. (Okay, so I did go there to buy a Shamrock Shake last year, but
that was a special occasion!) I could probably just make one myself, anyway.
What’s on an Egg McMuffin, well, besides the egg and the muffin? Ham? Is there
ham on those things? I could use veggie ham instead. The whole thing seem fairly
easy to construct. I’m totally going to make one! Totally.
dreaming about buying: this
wallpaper. I love this wallpaper. I wrote a poem about this wallpaper. I
want to marry it and have its babies. Unfortunately, it’s $85/roll, and that’s
frelling ridiculous, so I guess I won’t be buying it after all...or procreating
with it.
latest film obsession: I Heart Huckabees. This movie isn’t perfect. It
sadly falls short of being a truly great movie, but I think I love it anyway,
even with its flaws.
listening to: Brand New Key by Melanie because "I’m okay alone, but
you’ve got something I need."
reading: Beguiled by the Wild. The Art of Charley Harper.
watching: Project Runaway. It’s a reality show, but it’s about talent,
not about people shagging.
I love nice people. People who say something simply because it will make another person feel good. A selfless act really. A small thing. A few words that can change a person's entire outlook. Save them. For a moment anyway. I never forget these nice people. They're permanently etched on my brain under people that are nice. I can't ever hate them because once, maybe years ago, they said something nice about me or did me a favor or for whatever reason, made me smile inside.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Sorry, I just got a little excited there for a minute.
Things I am thankful for
(special holiday edition):
My family and friends for making me laugh
ALSO FOR
desserts
kneesocks
cheese
indoor plumbing
and
Charley Harper
desperate for: someone to fix the hole in my roof because insomnia and
drip, drip, drip, drip don't really work well together.
having impure thoughts about: that guy who lives at the Buddhist
monastery because Buddhist guys are probably much nicer than regular guys,
right?
latest film obsession: The Station Agent because it’s beautiful.
Shaun of the Dead because it’s hilarious. Capote because it’s
Philip Seymour Hoffman playing Truman Capote. What’s not to love?
listening to: "Don’t Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee
because it rocks! "The Last Time I Saw Richard" by Joni Mitchell because
sometimes I like to wallow in self-pity.
making: cupcakes.
reading: The Loser’s Club. I’m sorry, but this book is overrated. The
book ends with the main "loser" hooking-up with the super hot lesbian that he’s
been pining away for during the course of the entire novel. Oh, please. This is
the loser’s club? It should have been called Loser’s Wet Dream.
watching: Family Guy. I know that I'm really late jumping on the
bandwagon with this one, but it's quite funny, and a little bit subversive.
*Update: I have since discovered that,
while this show is, at time, hilarious, it is also unnecessarily cruel, so I'm
not watching it anymore.
What the hell is going on with U2 tickets? I mean you start with $172.50 for lower bowl seats, then you add the $11 service charge, plus parking, and at the end of the day we’re talking $200 for a friggin’ concert ticket. A concert ticket! Maybe I’m just out of the loop. Maybe this is how much ticket prices are these days. It’s been so long since I’ve been to an arena show that maybe I’m just unaware of the fact that it is now cheaper to go to the theater than it is to see a rock show, but I just can’t rationalize spending that much money on a concert ticket. And it’s not because I don’t have the money; it’s the principle of the thing. Now, I know main floor tickets are cheaper, but they are also general admission, which pisses me off because general admission in a show that large is fucking ridiculous. The last time I went that route, I ended up staring at someone’s back all night and the guy behind me basically dry humped me through the entire show. I realize that U2 doesn’t need my $200. They are obviously doing fine without me, but it’s just disappointing when bands that you love start turning into the fucking Eagles. Especially a band like U2 whose whole image rests on the fact that they care more about saving the whales than they do about money. Anyway, despite all this, I can’t completely turn my back on them as Edge was so fucking lovely to us in Dublin and I’ll always love him for that, even if his band has become a bunch of money-grubbing freaks.
Nice person of the week: The tollbooth guy who said that I had a nice smile because sometimes, when you feel like shit, the smallest thing can make your day.
I'm really starting to think that In the Company of Men is a documentary.
There's nothing I dislike more than a hypocrite. Don't make me name names. You know who you are. Well, actually you probably don't know who you are, as most hypocrites are unaware of their own hypocrisy, but I'm still not going to name names.
Getting a personal e-mail at work is like receiving a little present in the middle of the day.
I thought about becoming a lesbian, but then I realized that being a lesbian is probably just as big of a pain in the ass as the alternative.
I’m currently....
desperate for: my shoulder to heal, so I can start doing handstands
again.
having impure thoughts about: I’m kind of stuck in a rut here, but I’m
working on it. If anyone would like to recommend someone, please do so. If I
actually have impure thoughts about your suggestion, you could win lots of
fabulous prizes.
latest film obsession: The Graduate. My first thought was that Zach Braff
totally ripped off this movie, but that’s probably not a fair thing to say.
Maybe it’s just proof that different generations experience similar struggles,
even though we may forget or turn away from those feelings as we age. Anyway,
it’s obviously a movie I should have seen a long time ago, but there are only so
many hours in the day!
listening to: the Detroit triumvirate - Blanche, Brendan Benson, and The
White Stripes.
reading: One Hundred Years of Solitude. I finally found a copy that
doesn't have the words "Oprah’s Bookclub" plastered on the cover.
watching: that special on evolution that was on the History Channel, even
though it made me think of creationists, therefore frustrating the hell out of
me.
Sent to me via e-mail and reprinted here for your reading pleasure: Holly's Marvelous West Coast Adventure! Because it's my web site and I can do whatever the fuck I want, but, you know, I still asked her for permission first.
I've pretty much accepted the fact...that my vagina is cursed.
One of the worst ego crushes in the world is when you realize that a guy would rather jack off to porn than to go out with you. I went out with a guy, who said that he would call me, and then never did. Later, I found out that he had a rather large interest in pornography. So, in retrospect, I’m glad that he never called me because that sort of creeps me out. Still, it doesn’t make me feel great to know that he chose porn over me. His choices were to either a) go out with me and potentially do inappropriate things to me or b) sit at home in his underwear and fondle himself while watching strangers fuck. The fact that he chose option b doesn’t say a lot for my ability to attract a man.
Sales people look at my like I just arrived from planet insanity when I tell them that I don’t need any tissue paper. No tissue paper? Are you sure? You don’t want any tissue paper? It will keep the clothes neat. Let me just give you a little. NOOOOOO! I don’t need any damn tissue paper. I know it’s a controversial stance to take, but I’m just going to throw it away when I get home. Do we really need to wrap up our purchase before putting it in a bag? Does it really need to be wrapped twice? Are you that ashamed of what you've purchased? Frankly, I don’t even need the bag. What? No bag?? You’ve really gone off the deep end now. I’m calling security. Please, escort this woman out of the store. She refused to use our tissue paper, and now she won’t take a bag. We just won’t put up with that sort of attitude in our store.
I’m currently....
desperate for: pickle soup. And I don't mean that as some sort of double
entendre. I mean actual pickle soup.
dreaming about buying: wallpaper, but then I'd have to put it up,
and who wants to deal with that.
having impure thoughts about: that writer who asked if I was a student.
That is, until I found out that he was married...because I don't have impure
thoughts about married men.
latest film obsession: Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession, even though
the director is a complete perve who used every film clip as an excuse to show a
naked women. I mean, come on, even the Das Boot clip was erotic! We all
appreciate a little bit of nudity every now and again, but do you really need to
fill-up your entire documentary with breasts and pubic hair??
listening to: Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings because I like to shake my
ass.
reading: Lartigue – Album of a Century because I like looking at
pictures.
watching: King of the Hill, especially the episode were Bobby makes out
with the mannequin head. That one's my favorite.
Why can't people eat fucking sugar? Seriously. I've been searching for these mints, these vanilla mints, for the past year. Every time I'm in a checkout line or in a drugstore I look for these stupid mints. Where oh where did my little mints go, I wonder. Then, the other day, there they were staring back at me--the greatest mints the world has ever known. Needless to say I bought a tin, and immediately consumed, I don't know, a half dozen or so. They're damn good. Trust me. They even smell good. It's like getting high off some sort of vanilla mint cake batter. Anyway, it's only after I've stuffed my mouth full of mints that I notice something on the back in bold letters. Contains Phenylalanine. Phenylalanine is in aspartame. Phenylalanine can cause brain damage. No one likes Phenylalanine. *$*#&$!@$* artificial sweeteners. Let me repeat: Why can't people eat fucking sugar? I like sugar. Sugar is good. It's a whole lot better for you than Phenylalanine. It's not like you're gonna gain weight from eating a couple mints anyway!! Believe me, I realize that eating these mints probably won't give me brain damage, but it's the principle of the thing. A little sugar isn't going to kill you. Stop ruining it for the rest of us. I'm so upset that I can't even bring myself to throw out the rest of the mints. Periodically, I open the tin just to smell their cake battery sweetness. Can inhaling Phenylalanine give you brain damage?
Things that make me
happy (special spring edition):
flowering trees
a dog out for a walk, tail wagging
the air inside my car after it's been sitting outside on a sunny day
turning on my ceiling fan
skirts with bare legs
goslings, unless they are close to the road, then they make me sad or more
likely scared
Sometimes, in the middle of the afternoon, I'll start moaning for no particular reason. A pleasure sort of moan, not a painful moan, although, I suppose the two could easily be confused. Anyway, I'll catch myself doing it, and I'll think what the hell am I doing?? It's particularly embarrassing when other people are around, but it's not like I have any control over it. It's just what happens to you when you live in the desert. You start feeling yourself up and moaning at random.
A family friend wants to fix me up with this guy who is so desperate to have children that he's going to adopt one if he's not married within the next year. Now, even though I'm not completely opposed to the whole baby thing, it's not as though I start foaming at the mouth every time I see a pacifier. Any man that wants children that badly will probably be more interested in my breeding potential, than anything I have to say, and will most likely poke a hole in his condom well before the honeymoon. So, I think I'm going to pass on this one because you shouldn't have a child with someone simply because they have wide hips. A child, unlike a marriage, is forever.
Some people take themselves way to seriously. You know who you are. Don't make me name names.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/3/8/32016/77908
Click on the "The Look" link to view the clip of Porter Goss making a comically
surprised face when Bush mentions how the CIA is looking for Osama bin Laden.
Funny, funny stuff.
I’m currently....
desperate for: vegetarian/kosher food from the restaurant by my house.
Mmmmm.
dreaming about buying: a new pair of shoes. In the meantime, I'll
continue to wear the old pair, even with the holes.
having impure thoughts about: ummmm...hmmm....Can I plead the fifth on
this one?
latest film obsession: Nothing right now. I did really like the
Magdalene Sisters, but it's hard to feel
passionate about psychotic nuns.
listening to: Nick Drake's version of "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright"
because I love Bob Dylan songs...when other people sing them.
making: chocolate chip ice cream cake
reading: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. That's the name of the
book. Not the way that I read.
watching: Farscape, especially the alien sex episodes. Oh, wait, that's
every episode! Anyway, they're high-larious!
I love the smell of cilantro in the morning.
Dear V-h1, E!, and every other network that can’t get enough of nostalgia television. Please, I’m begging you. Stop it. Stop it with the I love the 80s, I love the 90s, I love what happened last week, talking head, flashback shows. I can’t take it anymore, and I’m the Queen of Nostalgia. I mean seriously, I held on to my Grease cassette for ten years after it stopped working because I couldn’t bear to part with it. My mother’s basement is filled with Barbies, and Cabbage Patch dolls, and Dr. Seuss books that I’ve forbidden her to throw away…ever!! When I Love the Eighties first aired, I thought it was the greatest thing that had happened to television since Freaks and Geeks went off the air, but enough already!! It’s not fun anymore. Get a new idea, and stop recycling the same crap over and over and over again!! No offense to the people on these shows; I realize it’s a paying gig, but I just can’t stand reliving my childhood anymore, and I can't turn the channel fast enough.
I realize that having a personal web site is a tad self-indulgent, and (most of the time) not very cool, but my doctor won’t prescribe me sleeping pills, and I needed to keep myself occupied.
I’m currently....
desperate for: decent vegetarian tuna fish.
dreaming about buying: a Leica camera; an antique bookcase with a key
(because I like to lock up my paperbacks)
having impure thoughts about: Paul Giamatti
latest film obsession: Sideways
listening to: The Monks
making: orange cream cake
reading: Middlesex (sometimes I think I may have undescended testicles);
America (The Book)
watching: Arrested Development (Buster is my world)